I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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