I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
