a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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