note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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