Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
