i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
