Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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