It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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