curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
