so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
