I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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