Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
