part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
