so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
