Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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