my phone needs a breathalizer
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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