Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
