I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
