The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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