i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
