let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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