I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
