At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize