We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
