so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize