too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
