people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
