note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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