Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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