he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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