I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
