Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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