ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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