Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
