You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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