Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
