last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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