wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
