what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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