was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
BRING THE BAGELS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
