god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just threw up on my dentist
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
