maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
