Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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