I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
