well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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