i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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