i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
