You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
