you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
