Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
