Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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