opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
