I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
