mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
