brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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