i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My liver just had a heart attack.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
