I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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