THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
