Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
