You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
