Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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