Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
