butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
