Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
