Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
