Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
