just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
