After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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