HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
