Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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